NEW YORK - After being unable to specifically the name all the starting midfielders for the Metrostars during the entirety of the 1998 season, gatekeeper extraordinaire Jake Garfield told himself that he would not be allowed to continue in the RBNY supporters group this season.

“We cannot dilute the excellence of our group by allowing in n00bs who don’t know our full history,” stated Garfield about himself.

According to sources in the know, Garfield became suspicious of himself when he caught a reflection in the mirror of himself wearing a throwback Metrostars kit.

“I saw this guy, you know… me…., and I was like, ‘ok, so you like the Metrostars, but can you name all the starting midfielders during the entirety of the 1998 season,’ and he/I just couldn’t,” stated Garfield. “It’s outrageous to think that just some random normy, like myself, could buy a throwback kit if they don’t specifically know how many appearances Kerry Zavagnin made in 1998.”

According to Garfield, who witnessed the altercation between Garfield and Garfield, the fan then demanded of himself that he remove his own kit as he wasn’t a true fan and an altercation happened in the hallway of his Brooklyn studio.

“Fuck THIS GUY,” stated Garfield as he rabbit punched himself in the kidney over the theoretical disagreement with himself.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Garfield intervenes with himself to try and let himself back into his group if he can exactly name the circumstances that brought Nino da Silva to the team in 2000.