VANCOUVER - The front office of the Vancouver Whitecaps reached out, on social media, to fans of Pacific FC ahead of their Canadian Championship match with an offer of years of crippling depression if fans trade in a Pacfic FC scarf at tonight’s game.

The Whitecaps lauded their history in Major League Soccer as they offered Pacific FC fans their own customized form of Whitecaps depression.

“Just imagine sitting on a street corner at the end of the year wondering what happened as you join all of your fellow fans in having a virtual beer as you simultaneously try to convince yourself that commuting in from Kelowna wouldn’t be that bad, anyway. With the Whitecaps run of form, you can customize your depression from social issues with the club, player problems or the parade of head coaches and staff bringing a nearly unending run of disappointment and depression that’s followed the Whitecaps from 2011 to 2021.”

Touting their commitment to commitment, the Whitecaps stated that joining the fraternity of fans that watch their games offers Pacific FC fans a chance to be real fans of a real team that very clearly isn’t based upon winning all the time.

“It’s easy to be a fan of the #1 team in the Canadian Premier League,” stated the Whitecaps on social media. “But just imagine being a fan of the 19th team in Major League Soccer. That’s how you build character.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Jake Edwards of Langford considers the option before realizing he already has enough depression stocked up from the last two years.