United States - Stating, “BERHALTER IS TO BLAME,” USMNT fan Jacob Stephens used the head coach of the United States Men’s team as the reason why he has been unable to obtain tumescence in recent weeks.

“This is all Gregg Berhalter’s fault,” wrote Stephens on his twitter account @USMNT1776PulisicGunsGod. “It is directly his fault that I no longer can obtain an erection and if he made earlier substitutions then I would again see the growing fruits of my labor.”

Sources indicate that Stephens obtained a moment of flaccid clarity when he realized that the banishment of Weston McKennie happened right as his formerly turgid member dipped south for the winter.

“My member is now just as limp as the USMNT” stated Stephens to our reporter. “It won’t be right until we are the best team in the world as manifest destiny claimed we would be. The only way to return my bald admiral to standing at the prow of my ship is to have the USMNT finally claim their own ship, a Championship.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Stephens blames the media and “noob soccer fans” for his burning and itching sensations.