Portland, OR - Merritt Paulson, the owner of the Portland Thorns and Timbers, delayed his response to the Sally Yates report as he spent the last 24 hours looking at high resolution security footage of the last Portland Timbers game in order to identify the specific fans responsible for the scandal that beset both of the teams he controls.

“This guy here once called me a spineless daddy’s boy on Twitter,” stated Paulson as he zoomed in on a figure holding up a two-stick. “I have a belief that he is directly responsible for the way that Cindy Parlow Cone was hyper sensitive to a casual comment by Mike Golub.”

Paulson reportedly had the security footage made available to himself as he asked for the secret folders he keeps on fans to cross reference to video shots in order to identify those who have been actively plotting to bring down his team.

“That guy right there once said that he didn’t think Gavin Wilkinson was a good evaluator of talent on an Instagram comment from 2012,” stated Paulson. “He has clearly been planning this from the beginning. And this woman here has been commenting on every Facebook post that I am responsible. This whole scandal is Fake News stirred up by dissident fans who just hate a successful man. The whole operation. The fans are the ones responsible and I will make certain that I identify every single one that participated in this charade.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Timbers and Thorns put out a press release stating that they are actually right and everyone else is wrong.