INTERNET - After spending nearly the entirety of his weekend online arguing about USMNT and Dortmund player Gio Reyna, Skylar Philips was made aware that he is spending more time thinking about Reyna than Reyna himself.
“There was a 90 minute period where Philips was passionately and unendingly arguing about the treatment of Reyna by Gregg Berhalter and the US Soccer Federation,” stated Harvard scientist Noble Sanderson. “At this time, Reyna himself was playing and focused only on the game in front of himself. It was during this time that Philips spent more time thinking about Reyna than Reyna himself.”
Philips reportedly defended Reyna with terminal intensity while performing all the mundane activities of his life from bed to breakfast to coffee to taking a shit to brushing his teeth to staring at himself staring at a phone in the mirror as he tried to figure out how to do anything……something that would add value to the world.
“It was just after the Dortmund friendly that we were able to validate that Philips is now thinking more about Reyna than Reyna,” stated Sanderson. “And now this continued all the way through the weekend. While Reyna was napping, Philips was online harassing journalists about Reyna’s treatment by the coaching staff. While Reyna was in REM sleep, Philips was creating a Free Reyna meme online. While Reyna was brushing his teeth, Philips was continuing on his campaign to blame the collected United States journalists for not doing their job of freeing Reyna.”
For his part, Philips stated that he didn’t see a problem with any of this as he stated, “As a lonely person who is terminally online it is part of my peroggative to fill all my waking hours by acting like a complete lunatic online. Who is to say that there isn’t a global cabal dedicated towards propping up Major League Soccer by ensuring player quotas. Gio Reyna is just the tip of the iceberg. If you go to Lucky Bob’s pizza store in Wilmington, DE in the basement you find the REAL USSF shadow cabal drinking the blood of youth soccer they are restricting from moving to Europe.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Philips states that Reyna must Reyna about Reyna and Reyna all the Reyna.