Spanish language television network Telemundo announced a partnership with language learning application Duolingo to offer a Spanish language credit for any English speaking fans watching in hope that it will encourage an escape from the mind numbing stupidity of Carli Lloyd and Alexi Lalas.

“No one should live this way,” stated one anonymous executive. “We show that the average person has a decline of 30 points from their overall IQ if they watch either of them speak for longer than one minute. That’s enough to take you from High Average to Below average. Just from watching them in a studio say literally anything. Studies even show a further decline into abject stupidity if the average person actually reads anything they write online.”

Publicly, Telemundo indicate that they are just trying to help people learn Spanish and watch futbol; but privately executives express displeasure at what they hear coming from the broadcast centers of the United States teams.

“We just do not understand why anyone would want to listen to these people and find ways to hate your own team? Aren’t you supposed to be a fan of the country of your team? Or is this an American thing to find every reason to hate these women. It’s very confusing.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as fans try to use a streak freeze when they forget to watch a match until the next morning.