San Jose, CA - San Jose Earthquakes owner John Fisher stated that he was removing Luchi Gonzalez as head coach of the Earthquakes and appointing current Oakland Athletics manager Mark Kotsay to guide the Athletics and the Earthquakes to last place finishes as they prepare for their move to Las Vegas.

“Mark has the experience and vision to see us to dead last,” stated Fisher. “And he’s proven that he can work with inept and functionally stupid ownership and poor general managers to get the worst out of his teams.”

Sources say that Fisher brought Kotsay into the team in order to help with the transition for the Earthquakes to eventually play in Las Vegas via Sacramento as he tries to put out the worst possible team that anyone could watch.

“I need a new stadium,” stated Fisher when asked about the Earthquakes season. “I need the taxpayers to provide a new stadium, preferably on the strip adjacent to the Durango, they have good shrimp scampi. It’s all ball sports. Anyone can coach ball sports. Hit ball, shoot ball, it’s all the same.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Fisher trades players between the two teams in order to see how they would cope with a new sport.