American Soccer Fans Call Out For Nationwide Intra-League Cup Competition After Exciting Canadian Championship Game

United States Of America - Soccer fans across the country called out for the formation of a nationwide Intra-League cup competition after watching the exciting Canadian Championship game between the Vancouver Whitecaps and Pacific FC.

“We could model it after the Canadian Championship and have teams from different leagues play in it,” stated one soccer fan from El Paso.

“It could be the biggest thing in the United States…. like March Madness but with amateur teams taking on professional teams,” stated a soccer fan from Chicago.

Sources indicate that fans across the nation started a petition to the governing bodies of the game to try to bring them to the table to negotiate for a cup tournament that would showcase all the levels of soccer in the United States.

“Can you imagine the Seattle Sounders having to travel to Madison to take on Forward Madison in front of a packed stadium,” stated one anonymous league source. “It’s BRILLIANT! We could have all of this compressed into a tight time frame like the NCAA basketball tournament! People would tune in to watch the giant killers take on the professional teams in front of their own home crowds!”

For their part, the television networks indicated their tepid interest in the idea with ESPN stating that they had a third tier streaming option that would allow people to view 39% of the games if they also sign up for a $400 television service that live streams Skip Bayless into their home at all times.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Herbalife Challenge Cup kicks off in 2045 on the Hollister Channel, brought to you by Crackel.

Vancouver Whitecaps Reach Out To Pacific FC Fans Offering Them Years Of Crippling Depression If Fans Trade In A Pacific FC Scarf At Tonight's Game

VANCOUVER - The front office of the Vancouver Whitecaps reached out, on social media, to fans of Pacific FC ahead of their Canadian Championship match with an offer of years of crippling depression if fans trade in a Pacfic FC scarf at tonight’s game.

The Whitecaps lauded their history in Major League Soccer as they offered Pacific FC fans their own customized form of Whitecaps depression.

“Just imagine sitting on a street corner at the end of the year wondering what happened as you join all of your fellow fans in having a virtual beer as you simultaneously try to convince yourself that commuting in from Kelowna wouldn’t be that bad, anyway. With the Whitecaps run of form, you can customize your depression from social issues with the club, player problems or the parade of head coaches and staff bringing a nearly unending run of disappointment and depression that’s followed the Whitecaps from 2011 to 2021.”

Touting their commitment to commitment, the Whitecaps stated that joining the fraternity of fans that watch their games offers Pacific FC fans a chance to be real fans of a real team that very clearly isn’t based upon winning all the time.

“It’s easy to be a fan of the #1 team in the Canadian Premier League,” stated the Whitecaps on social media. “But just imagine being a fan of the 19th team in Major League Soccer. That’s how you build character.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Jake Edwards of Langford considers the option before realizing he already has enough depression stocked up from the last two years.

Skills Challenge To Replace Remainder Of 2021 MLS And Liga MX Regular Season

LOS ANGELES - After a 30 minute conversation in the hallway of the Banc of California Stadium, Major League Soccer and Liga MX came to an accord that would replace the remainder of the 2021 season for both leagues with an intra-league week by week skills challenge.

“Our fans demanded this,” stated MLS Commissioner Don Garber. “And we are known for giving them what they want. The rest of the 2021 season will now be a week by week, team against team skills battle for supremacy in North America.”

The first challenge will come when Pumas travels north to face the red hot New England Revolution.

“We are out here to crack some plates and score some points, yo,” stated a ebullient Bruce Arena. “I’m telling the team to focus on the 10 point corners and the 20 point moving target. It’s a new age in soccer.”

Sources with the Revolution indicate that Arena took them to The Greatest Bar in Boston to play skee ball in preparation for the touch challenge.

“He was yelling at us about preparation and mental fortitude as we tried to aim only for the 100 point holes,” stated one anonymous player. “He just kept yelling that champions aren’t made at 10 points a pop.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the European teams threaten to break off into their own Super Skills Challenge league.