Fence Sitting Reporter Relieved To Be Equally Hated By Pro-Klinsmann And Anti-Klinsmann Groups

CHICAGO - Ralph Eberly, soccer reporter for the Chicago Tribune, admitted that he was relieved to be equally hated by both pro-Klinsmann and anti-Klinsmann groups as he published another column that kept himself firmly in the middle of the swirling argument that surrounds the United States coach.

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"I know that when I get feedback from both groups that I am a sellout that I've hit the right note," stated Eberly to The Nutmeg News on Tuesday. "I only have to write an article about the current problems with the US Soccer Federation and the US Men's team, and people will start calling me a shill or a sellout. It's great."

The Nutmeg News spoke to soccer fans on both sides of the divide to get their opinion. Our reporters spoke with James Mansfield, organizer of the Anti-Klinsmann-OUT Facebook page.

"We with the Anti-Klinsmann-OUT Facebook page want to ensure that the Klinsmann OUT people don't have their way. We are Anti-Klinsmann-OUT and we want reporters to serve the better interests of ensuring that he stays and Sunil Gulati goes. Mr Eberly has staunchly decided to not make himself the story and we find this worrisome. Until he shows his dedication to anti-Klinsmann-OUT narrative we will not be mollified!"

Our reporters than spoke with Tomas Buzcinsky, editor and organizer of the Pro-Klinsmann-OUT Facebook page.

"We with the Pro-Klinsmann-OUT Facebook page want to ensure that the Anti-Klinsmann-OUT people don't have their way. We are pro-Klinsmann-OUT and we want reporters to serve the better interests of this great country in ensuring that he goes and Sunil Gulati goes, both at the same time, or perhaps one after the other at some kind elaborate sham ceremony where the tiki idol is revealed to be cursed like that time with Greg Brady. Mr Eberly has staunchly decided to not make himself the story and we find this worrisome. Real reporting is about taking what other people say and giving your opinion even though all you do is file expense reports on time, work late to make deadlines and try to find sleep after turning in an assignment at 1:00 am. Until he shows his dedication to pro-Klinsmann-OUT, WE WILL NOT BE MOLLIFIED."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this situation as we speak to the KlinsmannIN (to USSF but out of the United States coaching job) separatist group on their thoughts.