Chicago, IL - The Nutmeg News has received an exclusive report today that provides insight to the recent win by the US Men’s National Team. Mark Foster, an insider from the COPA America, spoke to us on the condition of anonymity.

“We know that many US fans are ecstatic tonight after the 4-0 win against Costa Rica, but I felt that it needs to be put into perspective.”

“During the run up to the COPA, Jurgen Klinsmann went around to the other teams in the Group A and had a sit down with them in their locker rooms. He informed them that the USMNT were a special team but just weren't as good at soccer as the other teams. All the other teams knew it but love their spirit and so it was decided that they would all would work together to help the USMNT feel good about themselves. Plans were put in place for Costa Rica to lose to them in order to let them feel like they’re a normal team, just like all the others in the tournament.”

The next USMNT coach patiently waits in the wings

Foster checked over both his shoulders before continuing.

“The other teams in Group A decided to play along and made an agreement to not let the USMNT know that they secretly were a terrible team and to instead give them a chance to feel, just for one night, what the rest of the world considers a normal team. It was paramount to keep it secret so that it never got back to them."

"I mean, did you see that fourth goal? The defender dives the wrong way and the keeper arched his body perfectly over it. It couldn't have been more obvious to us, but the USMNT had no clue. But did you see the smiles on their faces after it? It was priceless and just warms your heart so see them so happy. I bet the felt just like Germany playing Brazil at the World Cup.”

TNN will have more on this as the USMNT hosts a ceremony where a Microsoft Word certificate of achievement is hung up on the team fridge.