A grouping of states in the southern half of the United States of America announced their intention to erect monuments to the victorious losers who valiantly failed during the disastrous 2017 United States World Cup Qualifying process.
Rebecca Blackwell / Associated Press
"Not building these 2017 World Cup Monuments, or any monuments from our history, will not change the past. But it will make for a poorer, less enlightened future," stated director of statues and monuments for Virginia, Bill Lemar. "I'm someone who believes in more monuments, not less monuments. This is about the heritage of our country and our continued, unchecked greatness as depicted through statues that will inflict psychic pain on United States soccer fans every single time they look at them."
"This nation is being TORN APART by not having statues and monuments of our glorious losers," stated director of symbology and retconning for the DeVry Institute, Harvey Dilborough. "If we want to commemorate the time we missed the world cup with a statue of a weeping Christian Pulisic, you should accept it. This is about the heritage of our country."
According to southern city planners, there are monuments to specific players and moments from the 2017 United States World Cup qualification disaster being planned across the United States that will exhibit scenes like that of Michael Bradley sitting on the ground while Trinidadian players celebrate behind him.
"We must celebrate our history. In another hundred years we can claim that we never lost this world cup at all."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the bronzed statues take life.