LOS ANGELES - Fox Soccer announced, yesterday, that they would be cutting print journalism and firing all their current reporters in order to focus all their efforts on a video of Skip Bayless top ten bikini bodies of the United States Women's National Team, for the upcoming Women's World Cup.
THE HIGHEST JOURNALISTIC STANDARDS
"We hired the best video editors from the business intern school of DePaul and we scoured Buzzfeed for the best headline creators," stated FOX director of Slammin Bodies and Gym Life, Dutch "Hands" Peterson. "Nobody reads articles anymore. We are all just out here for that video life and the sweet dap of finding your favorite soccer players half nude. We know that branding our USWNT story with Skip's legendary hot takes will make people melt inside. Just imagine Skip Bayless yelling over the prone, bikini-clad figure of Alex Morgan! INSTANT WINNER."
Fox let several of their long time journalists and editors go yesterday after telling them that they would not be necessary on their new direction. Reportedly, they did offer an executive writer position for any woman journalist on their team that would be willing to pose for their upcoming calendar, "Colin Cowherd's Fox Soccer Hot Women Of Journalism".
Our sources tell us that all departing women turned the network down.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Fox Soccer releases their first video, "How to please your man in bed, and nutmeg your opponent while half naked.