LOS ANGELES - Survival stores around the Los Angeles area are reporting a mass run on camouflage outfits, bandannas, hats, balaclavas and associated camouflage face paint as the Los Angeles Galaxy defeated Minnesota United to advance in the Major League Soccer (MLS) playoffs to face Los Angeles Football Club (LAFC).

LAFC fans consult with tactical advisers on the movie set of Red Dawn.
Photo By (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Rob Aylward/Released)

“We are seeing mass purchases from soccer fans,” stated Dean Whethers of SurvivaLA. “These people are coming in and buying anything that we have from Disruptive Pattern Camouflage used by the Australian Defence Force to Flecktarn which was used by Kyrgyzstan and Poland to the limited edition Type 07 “07 海洋迷彩作训服” Oceanic Camouflage used by the Naval Vessel Crew in China. It doesn’t really seem to matter where they are going to be, they just want that Camouflage look.”

Fans state that they are focused on disappearing, “for the boys,” as they stock up on survivalist gear, military surplus items and anything camouflage related.

“I’m planning on bringing an exotic Russian MRE in to the stadium to avoid the food prices,” stated LAFC fan Sam Guzman. “It’s really going to fit in with my head to toe camouflage and tactical facepaint that I learned to apply by watching old videos of Sting from the WCW,.”

Players have stated that they are concerned that the camouflage designed to prepare the fans for war would erode their home-field advantage as the fans will blend into the limitless woods that border the Banc of California stadium, but they stated, “regardless of whether we can see them or not, we should still be able to hear them.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as fans announce they are preparing for war…. by ensuring they order a Lyft that they can share with a couple friends to keep the cost down and make it to the stadium early enough in order to tailgate before the game.