Experts say that the signing of 15 year old WunderKid Jahkeele Marshall-Rutty by Toronto FC is just another reminder of how lazy your shithead 15 year old is being this week.

“This signing is a perfect example of working hard and talent coalescing into one singular opportunity,” stated Dr. Larry Edmunds with the Koop Institute. “While your child is coming home from schools pulling a C average sitting on the couch too lazy to make pizza rolls and trying to figure out whether they are going to play fortnite or just pretend to watch YouTube videos while scrolling Instagram on their phone.”

Statistics released by the Koop Institute show that your kid is actually 200% lazier than Marshall-Rutty just by the fact that they doesn’t have a singular passion that they care about.

“Yes, in fact many parents think they are going to pass their passions along to their child when in fact all they do is pass on their un-diagnosed neurosis,” stated Dr. Edmunds. “I can guarantee that while Marshall-Rutty was hiring an agent that your kid was trying to figure out if they could watch a censored video on youtube without having it show up in their watch history.”

Other parents indicate that this is true as they castigated your kid for, “being a shiftless layabout looking for the system to help them,” as they told their own kids to, “figure FAFSA out on your own like I had to do.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as your kid already starts needling you about requiring a vacation to get rid of all the stress in their life right after you get home from the 12 hour shift you worked for the third day in a row.