Portland, OR - Supporters Group veterans with the Timbers Army voiced concerns that newly commissioned capo First Lieutenant William “Bubba” Johnson hasn’t seen action.
“I didn’t see him face down in the muck when we invaded Starfire and took the hill.” — 1SG Paul Phillips
In a heated conversation at a local brewery, non commissioned officers Ronnie Libscomb, Ivan Hernandez and Paul Phillips discussed their concern at the new section leader.
“A scarf is something you wear. Respect is something you gotta earn,” stated Master Sergeant Libscomb of Charlie Company.
“A leader should be able to command the attention of the troops and inspire them with confidence for the mission at hand,” stated Master Sergeant Hernandez of Easy Company. “Where is Johnson going to be when the chips are down, the troops are dejected and they are looking to him for inspiration? You can’t simulate what it feels like when you can feel the shots on the field, the Howitzers are booming, the smoke is drifting across the battleground, and you see someone get hit with friendly fire from the field of combat. You don’t learn how to deal with that by studying tactical videos from Ultras-Tifo.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what we are gonna have,” stated First Sergeant Paul Phillips of the Fighting 106th. “Another shiny asshole with a shiny scarf looking at his shiny commendations he didn’t earn on his shiny uniform. I bet a hundred bucks he washes that scarf after every match,”
According to sources that observed Johnson, Libscomb, Hernandez and Phillips inspecting the troops online, Phillips stated, “My men, my equipment, your mission,” to Johnson as he informed the Lieutenant on the readiness of his new command.
For their part, the NCOs stated that they would fully honor their duty to set a standard for lower-ranked soldiers. However, the simmering discontent continued as they accused Johnson of being a fresh faced goof who probably, “doesn’t understand the struggle with troop movement and operations on a national level and probably can’t even grow a beard.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as 1st Lieutenant Johnson ensures that his hat and scarf are clean for the upcoming war-games.