NEW YORK - The United Soccer League (USL), today, announced that in light of the recent COVID outbreak, that the USL Championship will be decided by which team in the championship has the least amount of racial and homophobic slurs over the past season.

“We felt like this was a decision that we should make given the staggered nature of the competition,” stated USL director of public relations Beth Howard. “It’s important to note that we will be combing through the season exhaustively to ensure that we research both teams before awarding the championship.”

Fans of both Phoenix Rising and the Tampa Bay Rowdies state that the are uncertain as to which team will win the trophy.

“You never know,” stated one Phoenix fan. “Maybe the VAR Championship squad will find something that some Rowdies player said that was never reported.”

For their part, Phoenix Rising are protesting the possibility of ending the season this way as they stated, “one more reference to this and we will WALK RIGHT OFF THE FIELD.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Championship is moved to Walter Reed Hospital.