Major League Soccer fan Andrew Reynolds decided on a new gift for the upcoming holiday season as he purchased an Advent Calendar pre-loaded with 25 reasons to hate his own team, packaged with a candy to soften the blow.
This will probably help you get through the calendar.
“There’s things that I completely forgot about,” stated Reynolds to The Nutmeg News. “Every day is a new surprise and reason to question why I willingly support this team!”
The MLS Advent Calendar is, reportedly, a calendar derivative of the popular 25 gins of Christmas where each day you open up a window to a new surprise.
According to the Rand Corporation (manufacturer of the calendar) each day will remind fans of the utterly dumb, racist, sexist and insulting tragicomedies that cover the full expanse of the modern supporters experience.
“Day 13 is the time when the general manager racially insulted the entire nation of Bolivia…. or was it Peru… I can’t remember,” stated Reynolds.
“I really enjoyed day 8 where the calendar reminded me that our supporters group leader used merch money on paying his own bills. That one came with a peanut butter cup. Day 3 was the membership council election that devolved into petty attacks and private facebook groups dedicated towards voter campaigning. Day 10 was the time that we found out that the owner financially supported Gay and Lesbian conversion camps and Day 11 was the time when it turns out that, on Facebook, a good number of anonymous fans of the team supported those same camps. Day 23 was the reminder of the time when the Owner intentionally tried to take out the supporters group by banning groups of people he didn’t like. Day 16 was the time when the acting manager criticized the fans for not being loud as the reason why the team lost. Day 4 was a reminder of the time when a bunch of new fans showed up to a friendly and made national news by yelling racial and homophobic slurs on camera. Day 14 was the time when the front office moved the supporters group, without asking anyone, into the full sun part of the stadium.”
And Reynolds indicated that the best was yet to come as he stated, “The final day was really well done reminding me that my team actively covered up harassment. I had a moment where I asked when that happened and I realized it hasn’t happened, YET. Great thing to end the calendar on as we go into next year.”
The Nutmeg News will have more as MLS fans preorder the MLS New Years Ball that recites all the problems their team will have going into 2021.