NEW YORK - A bombastic column on the tactics of loading a dishwasher earned soccer analyst David Edmunds some very pointed criticism from home as he published the column to the family refrigerator this morning.

“A high line, pressing offense will simply not work in this environment,” stated husband Ralph Edmunds. “I don’t know what dishwasher you are watching but this is flat out bullshit if you’ve been watching plates and pans ignoring the back post location where you could easily fit in another freaking cookie tray.”

Daughter Cherith Edmunds stated that clearly, “dad hasn’t loaded any dishes recently and this is all just a pie in the sky fantasy,” as she left a comment on the refrigerator that simply said, “this is dumb.”

According to Mr. Edmunds, his philosophy tried to exemplify tiki-taka with having all the dishes contribute to the general washing of the items. However, the family disagreed with this aesthetic philosophy.

“We tried this already,” stated Ralph Edmunds. “And it ended up with you being relieved of duty from loading the dishwasher. We need to focus on real results and real cleaning. This isn’t the place for you to experience tactically with dishwasher loading changes.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a heated argument on tactics breaks out among the devotees of dishwasher tactics.