Topeka, KS - Topeka Fury owner Harry Wilson wanted to assure fans that, “other than my millions of dollars, connections, notoriety, influence and access I’m exactly like the common fan,” as he lobbied for sports to start back up again soon.
“I’m just one of you,” stated Wilson from his palatial mansion. “I open the doors of my Tesla just like you do. I play Animal Crossing just like you do. I chat with Elon Musk on Twitter like you do and I buzz door dash into my gated community to eat Tikka Masala just like you do. We are all suffering from the same stress.”
Wilson has recently taken to Twitter to voice his theory that the response by local government to the COVID-19 pandemic is now worse than the actual virus itself as he touted the, “actual low infection rate,” and the, “dwindling economy.”
According to insider sources, Wilson was initially supportive of the measures until he noticed how much money he was losing and came to the realization that no one that he knew personally was sick.
“How can it be a nationwide pandemic if everyone isn’t sick or dead,” stated Wilson. “Mortality rates are already very low (and probably lower than we think if we ever get true data on actual infections) It’s all about perception and fear. No one around me is sick, and I think that means this whole thing is overblown. So what if there are 61,000 people dead, no actual vaccine, and no actual medical data yet on immunity. What’s important is that we get back to full contact sports with paying spectators and not give into the fear.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Wilson complains about the boredom and disaster of the virus from his private men’s room in the basement pub he created to replicate a Bavarian drinking hall.