The newly announced Island Games by the Canadian Premier League will reportedly feature COVIDvisection administered by a Dr. Moreau of Cape Egmont.

Yes, we must speak with York 9 about their……….. transition.

“It is our intent to allow Dr. Moreau to administer our health and safety bubble with his newly announced COVIDvisection technique,” stated Montgomery, the director for the Island Games. “Dr. Moreau has long theorized that complimenting the human physique some some animal attributes would make Canadian Premier League players resistant to COVID-19. If you think about it, that theory isn’t really any more crazy than any of the batshit insane things said by the President of The United States.”

Sources indicate that Dr. Moreau is thrilled to have an opportunity to work with new techniques in vaccination, heath and safety by turning the entirety of Valour FC into a human/pig/tiger combination.

“We are excited to welcome all the healthy, lovely, lovely players to The Island,” stated Montgomery. “We know that we have the ability to really make a difference in their lives on a long term basis and we hope that they will enjoy the changes that will happen from 35 games with our support staff.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when we finish speaking to an unnamed whistleblower found in a raft off the coast of Cape Tormentine.