Salt Lake City, UT - Bathed in the tears of small children that were collected after he evicted their parents, shocked Billionaire real estate mogul Dell Loy Hansen reportedly stated, “how could they do this to their daddy,” when asked about the player strike in Major League Soccer.
“It’s never been harder than RIGHT NOW to be a billionaire old white man,” stated Hansen as he emphatically tapped his ruby evicting cane upon the ground. “Daddy must stand up for himself in the face of wrongdoing. Daddy must do.”
Hansen allegedly detailed his elaborate revenge towards the players who had the audacity to stand up for themselves, their community and their families as he ranted to our reporter about what he would do.
“Daddy will buy ALL of Poplar Grove and turn it into a boutique Louis Vuitton showroom for cats. Daddy will ensure that none of these players ever have the gumption to raise up their heads against Daddy. But … oh NO my friends… Daddy is not done, yet. Daddy is not done by a LARGE margin. Daddy will close down the Salt Lake City borders so THEY can’t leave. Daddy will change the locks on all their dwellings. If Daddy does not own their dwelling, Daddy will buy the land from underneath them so that they can see how useless their opinions are to Daddy. Daddy will send them the most disturbing Tik Tok from his own personal account. Daddy can giveth, but Daddy can CERTAINLY taketh away.”
Allegedly, Hansen then stared at our reporter stating, “Daddy spends all his precious coin money on his children and how do they repay Daddy? Not Playing? For Daddy? They MUST be punished. This is a direct STAB to the heart of daddy. HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO THEIR DADDY.”
The Nutmeg News will have more as Daddy considers trading a player to Spartak Moscow for a vintage Russian gold coin.