The Independent Supporters Council (ISC), today, announced that the Supporters Shield trophy will go to the Major League Soccer team with the best record collection.
The ISC determined that the regular season is completely unbalanced and the 2020 season makes no sense so they would be better off awarding the trophy to the team with the best vinyl record collection both singles and albums.
According to insiders with teams across Major League Soccer this started a landrush to determine their supremacy as all teams are still in the running for the honors this season.
Real Salt Lake reportedly submitted their collection which contains one vintage Disney album of the soundtrack from the Song Of The South while Portland and Seattle reportedly submitted an extensive collection of albums. However, after further consideration it was noted that their collections were virtually identical except for an abused copy of November Rain and collection of the spoken word essays by Grover Norquist that is part of Merritt Paulson’s personal collection.
Sources also indicate that FC Dallas and the Chicago Fire both submitted records of ambient noise recorded from recent games set to the score of John Cage’s 4’33 while Inter Miami submitted a mashup record that contained all the major Miami stars such as Expose, Poison Clan, Load, KC And the Sunshine Band, Sam & Dave, Harry Pussy, Miami Sound Machine and 2 Live Crew all of which are remixed by Pitbull. As well, the B side contains David Beckham ASMR and a Spice Girls Bonus track that doubles as a Reiki Cleanse.
Atlanta United reportedly was controversially eliminated for sending over a link to a Soundcloud mixtape of various hip hop artists while allegedly NYCFC was eliminated for sending a photo of the Pharoahe Monch album Internal Affairs which lead to Monch disavowing anything to do with NYCFC. Nashville sent over the collected works of Florida Georgia Line, Kane Brown and Luke Bryan along with one Johnny Cash record that they got from their Grandmother a long time ago which lead to the ISC adopting a strict no-bro-country rule.
Sources with the ISC state that despite rumors of Atlanta and NYCFC being eliminated that all teams are still in competition except for Colorado who forgot to send an album at all after Stan Kroenke’s butler couldn’t locate the 1909 Edison cylinder of Whistle and I'll Wait for You.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the ISC decides to award the supporters shield to the team that can release the best front office Instagram Reels version of Run The Jewels’ Legend Has It.