Edmonton, AB - Edmonton soccer fan Kyle McKenzie is reportedly in a coma as he was found uncommunicative by his mother after being involved in an Alphonso Davies drinking game where every time the player is described as being fast you take a shot.

“He’s FAST. VERY VERY FAST. FAST FAST FAST. VERY FAST. FAAAAAAAAAAAAAST. HE. IS. FAST. VERY FAST. HOW FAST? FAST! VERY FAST!

“My god, it was only 2 hours on a Wednesday in the afternoon,” stated good friend Rob McKenzie. “I guess this proves that Alphonso Davies really is just very very fast. I thought the pundits would eventually mention his crossing ability or his positioning or even his shooting but no it’s just speed all the time. Apparently that is the only thing he can do.”

McKenzie noticed that the only way commentators and pundits seem to refer to Davies is by illustrating the speed of Davies as he and his friends formulated the rules of the Davies game.

“Every time Davies is described as fast, take a drink,” stated the rules pinned to McKenzie’s Twitter feed. “Every time an in studio team breaks down how fast he really is, take two drinks. If a team then breaks down the break down illustrating the point after the game with a lengthy blog piece describing his speed then you finish the bottle.”

According to good friend Jacob McKenzie, he now regrets sending Kyle McKenzie the article published on fivethirtyeight about Davies speed as he thinks that may have pushed McKenzie over the edge.

“He was already pretty drunk from watching a youtube video highlighting the speed of Davies,” stated McKenzie about McKenzie. “And now this article specifically about his speed was just a drink too far. At least he wasn’t driving. One time I decided to innocently play this drinking game with Kyle and next thing I know I’m in Saskatchewan in a Blue Bombers jersey in the back of an A&W. I was THIS close to booking a bus ticket from Sasktatoon to Regina for some reason.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as McKenzie emerges from his coma just in time to see a break down of Davies speed as compared to various wild animals.