WASHINGTON - Sources with D.C. United indicate that head coach Ben Olsen will only be given 15 or 16 more chances with the team as they continue their dominance of Major League Soccer.

Everything is fine, they are only 1 point out of the playoffs. or something.

“We are putting him on a strict leash,” stated one team source. “We are ONLY giving him 15 or 16 more chances to get this team into the playoffs.”

With D.C. United sitting at 11th in the Eastern Conference, team officials remain optimistic that they are only one or two games away from going on a 3 game run of draws that will rocket them up the standings.

“Ben can absolutely turn this around,” stated our source. “And if he doesn’t we will look at all our options including giving him a contract extension so that he can feel confident enough to implement his vision.”

League sources indicate that the decision isn’t just a confidence one, however.

“Who else would coach for them with the financial backing they give him and the players they find,” stated one league source. “Seriously. Are they going to hire a FIFA gamer who will do it for experience? No. He won’t leave and I swear to you they will continue to do the same thing until at least 2029.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as it continues in perpetuity.