CHICAGO - After another bombshell report indicted another National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) male head coach of abusive, manipulative and inappropriate behavior, Chicago Red Stars owner Arnim Whisler reached out to Portland Thorns owner Merritt Paulson, Washington Spirit owner Steve Baldwin, North Carolina Courage owner Steve Malik, and former US Soccer Federation president Sunil Gulati for advice on how to avoid taking any responsibility.

“So may have this happened on my watch,” stated Whilser who was interrupted by Paulson telling him that he’s already admitted too much and to try to re-state this thought as, “we are saddened by these developments.”

“The first step is to indicate that you understand the concerns and to tell everyone that an investigation of some kind will take place,” stated Malik.

“The next step should be to be silent for a long time, maybe take a month or two or three,” stated Sunil Gulati

“After all of that, indicate you are following through with the investigation and then maybe just change some titles around,” stated Paulson again. “If you are lucky, the season will start up again and people will be distracted by the games enough for them to get tired of hearing about all the bad news.”

For his part, Baldwin suggested finding a female member of staff to feud with, but was told that he was already part of the problem for owners league wide for actually stating that he would sell the Spirit.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this, unfortunately.