MONTREAL - Joey Saputo, the president of Club de Foot Montreal (Montreal Impact), announced a new Fan Relinquishment program where customer service representatives will be given bonuses based upon how many supporters they drive away.

Joey Saputo - human rendering of a collection of cow parts.

“Too many people focus on the power that their fans have,” stated Saputo to The Nutmeg News. “For our part we would like to lose some fans. Specifically we would like to lose a lot of fans from our supporters groups so that I can blame them for the lack of support with the team in the area.”

Sources indicate that Customer Service representatives have been given quotas to hit on how many fans they drive away with the best fan relinquishment representative winning an all expensive trip to Quebec City in order to tell one lucky fan to fuck off in person.

“Who needs Fan Retention,” stated one Montreal employee. “We need fewer fans, and we need them now.”

Sources indicate that this is especially prevalent with customer service representative who handles the accounts of the supporters groups as they stated, “Mr. Saputo set the ground rules. We went and told the fans to support us or we will sell the team and make certain that it gets moved to the United States. They needed to know that they are all disposable.”

For his part, Mr Saputo was reflective and wistful as he stated, “I will salt the earth and burn this club to the ground before I cater to any of their demands”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Montreal continues to be run into the ground.