WASHINGTON - Sources indicate that a beautiful autumnal morning has an ebullient Steve Baldwin asking, “what else can I do to screw up the Washington Spirit,” as the owner of the team looked at possibly taking away the access to water for the rest of the season.

“I feel so light and airy….. so fancy free….. perhaps if I increase practice to 8 hour sessions,” mused Baldwin to a reflection of himself in a full length mirror. “Or perhaps if I institute that Boy Will Be Boys can be the new HR policy of the team. OH THE THINGS I CAN THINK.”

Baldwin was increasingly spite filled but in a joyous way over his ownership of the National Women’s Soccer League team as he looked to escalate the situation in defiance of fans across the league asking him to sell.

“Sell the team, Steve? To Whom! No one wants a distressed asset! It’s all mine! ALL MINE! From now on we will be requiring all players to train using LuLaRoe leggings so that they can sell them to other players in the league on the side. From now on our training will be fueled by Huel meal replacement! THERE IS NO BOTTOM!

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the NWSL considers shutting down the team.