Tallahassee, FL - Doctor Julia Eisen told patient John Dale that his checkup revealed a number of health concerns, not the least of which was his addiction to lower league soccer drama which reportedly could shorten Dale’s lifespan by 40 to 50 years.

“DID YOU SEE WHAT NEW AMSTERDAM DID NOW,” stated Dale as he ignored his doctors advice and continued to frantically scroll Twitter. “Oh man, oh man, this is just AMAZING.”

Sources indicate that Dale’s heart rate spiked and his cortisol levels were highly inflated as he took to another giant dumpster fire that is a lower league soccer Twitter thread where he frenetically argued about things he could not control.

“Ok, look, this is what I’m talking about and now if you look at this thread,” stated Dale to the nurse monitoring his vital signs, “you will begin to see the institutional failures that extend from NISA to the USSF to the UASAASAAASASFFA to the USAFA to the US Federal Credit Union TO THE USMC TO THE USMNT to THE UNITED STATES ITSELF MY GOD IN HEAVEN THIS GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP.”

According to those in the hospital itself, a hospital gown clad Dale started to run down the aisle of the hospital yelling about, “covid protocol strengthening the hands of the administration of the NISA sanctions on New Amsterdam,” before he was forcefully strapped to a gurney and administered Ketamine.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Dale starts a wellness program that contains a Twitter social distancing mandate aimed at reducing his exposure to lower league soccer drama.