San Diego, CA - United Soccer League (USL) team San Diego Loyal announced a $17.76 insurrection discount on any new season tickets purchased after they signed Andrew Carleton, part time soccer player and part time insurrectionist that stormed the capital.
Let’s commit an insurrection!
“We welcome everyone from our community,” stated the Loyal. “From those in the LGBTQ+ community to those that think that John F Kennedy Sr is alive and dictating foreign policy using his not-so-deceased son John F Kennedy Jr via a shadow cabal government (although not THAT shadow government ifyouknowhatwemean) who exists to expose child trafficking done at democratic pizza places and places Donald Trump as a Jesus Christ reborn figure head to bring about the bloody revolution which will sweep communists and anti-fascists from the land in a race riot.”
Sources indicate that Carleton was contrite about his former actions as he stated, “I’ve done some things I wasn’t proud of in my youth 12 months ago. I’ve had time to learn and time to earn and time to live, laugh, love and time to stay out of the spotlight so that a team in the United States will give me a chance again because hopefully enough people forgot about all this.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Carleton considers whether he should show his video from the capital or not to a black teammate in the locker room in order to convince him that Q is real.