Majority of 87,000 Armed IRS Agents Dedicated To Figuring Out Which Players Are Actually Designated Players In MLS

WASHINGTON - Sources indicate that the vast majority of the 87,000 armed IRS agents hired via the Inflation Reduction Act will be tasked by President Biden to figure out which players are actually designated players in Major League Soccer.

“No one REALLY knows anymore,” stated one insider source. “I mean we think Miami had upward of 13 over the last two seasons, and LAFC may have 46 designated players with some designated players actually playing in the USL. The agents must get to the bottom of this.”

Rumors swirled around the league after Miami FC were fined by the league for having players who should’ve been counted as designated players in 2020. With the Gareth Bale non-dp-dp players in the league, sources indicate that the IRS is ready to move on MLS in order to verify the books.

“This is a dangerous assignment,” stated one anonymous IRS source. “It is imperative that our agents be armed and moderately trained by playing Escape From Tarkov for 10 hours before they take the field. We expect resistence but we will not be swayed from our task. We WILL figure out how many designated players there are in the league and which players they are.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as IRS investigators open a congressional inquiry into what the hell TAM has to do with anything.