INTERNET - EA Sports announced that the last FIFA game ever made, FIFA 2023, would contain a supporters group mode where you inhabit a virtual world as a player created protagonist who spends all their time arguing with strangers and friends about literally everything.
“This mode will allow our players to really delve into the mind of a supporters group member,” stated EA game architect Jerry Hernandez. “You can join a group, become passionate, become too passionate, fall out of favor, create a splinter group, become extremely passionate, become too passionate, get a year ban, create a second splinter group from the original splinter group and then spend the last 10 simulated years slowly sniping at people from anonymous online accounts while you increasingly find that you never liked soccer in the first place.”
Beta testers of the new mode indicate that it fully simulates the life cycle of a supporters group member from wide eyed noob to the passionate middle years to the bitter, cynical gatekeeping years to the too old but not leaving yet years where you use your ability to hold on to power as a desperate ploy to keep your relevance amongst people 20 to 30 years younger than yourself.
“We finally heard all of our fans and we’ve licensed Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok, Reddit, Discord, Facebook Groups, Supporters specific forums, WhatsApp, and even LinkedIn for your online battlegrounds. Tell your friends to fuck off because they aren’t supporting the boys in your virtual family Facebook Group. Rant to your work associates about the closed soccer pyramid in the United States on LinkedIn and see how far you can go before you lose your job. Attempt to turn your career as a continual malcontent on your Supporters Group Discord into a stand up comedy gig that no one attends during open mic night! It’s IN THE GAME!”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as FIFA 2023 allows Supporters Group cross play between PC and console players as the PC players complain about the slur assist that console players get via X-Box controls.