TAMPA - Youth soccer player Jarrod Dawes stated that he was planning on having a short professional career before transitioning into a mediocre and unfireable General Manager for a Major League Soccer team.

It’s mostly the coaches fault, or the players fault, or even the owners fault. Never the fault of the General Manager.

“I’m going to ensure that I have just enough professional experience so that I can move into the front office without too much judgement, continue to collect a paycheck, and hide behind the poor efforts of my team,” stated Dawes to The Nutmeg News. “People will say that I have a,’unique insight to the league,’ while I make chicken shit out of chicken soup with unbalanced roster constructions that I can blame on the weird MLS league rules. If I play this just right the fans will talk about how it’s not my fault the team always underperforms even though ultimately I’m still the person putting together the team that gets our coach fired every 2 to 3 years.”

Sources say that Dawes began understanding the unending ability of an MLS General Manager and Technical Director to endure even the worst online criticism as he looked around the league at the number of players leaving teams, coaches fired and the same general managers staying and rotating around the teams as they continue to do a terrible job managing the rosters.

“It’s job security,” stated Dawes. “No one REALLY knows what my impact is necessarily and I can always blame bad luck, poor coaching, not having results that show our true quality, or a league conspiracy against us. Plus nearly every team makes the playoffs which is the bare minimum for claiming that we are building to something special every other year.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Dawes circles Atlanta United as his first club to attempt getting a Technical Director job in 15 years when Carlos Bocanegra finally leaves.