In part four of our continuing saga of, "US fans blame coaches or home field advantage rather than acknowledging that they just don't have world class soccer players," here is our copy-paste revision of our article from 2019, our article from 2017 and our article from 2015.
After the disappointing loss to Mexico, fans of the United States Men's Team (because the United States Women won the 2015 and the 2019 World Cup) collectively lost their mind and screamed out for a new coach to help guide the same group of shit players with which all the coaches for the United States since nearly time immemorial have had to deal.
"We need a new coach who can somehow make our INSERT PLAYER HERE and INSERT PLAYER HERE players turn into Arjen Robben and Philipp Lahm," wrote @HowardFreak69USMNT on BlueSky.
I find it reprehensible that INSERT PLAYER HERE is included in this squad when we could have another forward for the United States that will miss simple shots and fire the ball 20 feet over the net. Altidore would give us that!" said JesusFreak2020 on Reddit.
"A new manager will allow us to play more like a combination of Chile, Germany and the 70's version of Brazil despite having defense and offense players on the United States roster that would not make it on Greece's 2004 Euro Cup winning roster." said Jeremy Lind on Facebook.
While the US Fans thrashed about online for the answer to an unanswerable question, they decided to blame the entirety of the mess on Mauricio Pochettino, who they were ready to bestow a sainthood upon about 2 months ago.
"It's Klinsmann/Arena/Berhalter/Pochettino fault that we have such a terrible player pool" said MLS Soccer analyst Jeffry Thorgood. "He doesn't understand how to play the poor players that we have against teams that have world class talent playing in Europe's top competitions, or... you know... Honduras."
Professor of Symbology at Cornell of Miami, David Petreus, had the following to say, "I want my cake and I want to eat it. I want Pochettino out. I want the United States to play extremely entertaining soccer. I want our fringe players to level up like in an Role Playing Game so that they are much better at controlling the ball and playing in pressure situations. I want us to do this now and I want to win the World Cup in 2018. Don't tell me that Mexico is a better team, because that can't possibly be true, because we won some games against them in the last 10 years. IF they were the better team, wouldn't they be beating us now? Exactly."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the wailing and gnashing of teeth continue for a coaching position change that will fix nothing in the grand scheme of life until large scale changes are made behind the scenes.
