"Who Could POSSIBLY Predict This," States Austin Soccer Fan

Austin, TX - Soccer fan James Williams stated, “Who could’ve POSSIBLY predicted this,” as he ranted about Anthony Precourt to the internet with the replies turned off to his post, except for his circle.

Anthony Precourt seen with an Austin FC scarf.

While some Austin fans have been grumbling in person about the product on the field, the cost of tickets, and the cost of concessions, people like Williams took to the internet to put the ownership of Austin FC on blast as they levied serious charges at Anthony Precourt.

“It’s almost like Precourt wants to systematically destroy any organic support in the area,” stated Williams. “It’s almost as though his business acumen isn’t in tune with the local fans and he only sees this as a fanbase that he can leverage. I just don’t understand how no one has ever reported on this before. Next thing you know he is going to be talking about business metrics.”

Williams boldly claimed that he conducted no research on Precourt although he admitted systematically blocked hundreds of so-called “haters” around 2018 because they were, “totally annoying and sad.”

Then Nutmeg News will have more on this as Williams finds out that water is, in fact, wet and that the Pope is, as well, Catholic.

Reinvigorated Galaxy Fan Excited To Get Back To Blaming The Coach And Players

LOS ANGELES - Los Angeles Galaxy fan Adam James stated that he was, “absolutely PUMPED,” that general manager Chris Klein was out as he stated, “Now if they can just can Vanney and all the rest of the shit on the pitch.”

Sources say that James had tempered all of his recent arguments with statements such as, “none of this really matters until Klein is out,” when discussing the disappointing season. However, friends say that his attitude changed when hearing the news.

“THESE LAZY ASS BUMS BETTER GET TO WORK,” stated James to his Galaxy group chat. “They don’t have anyone to protect them anymore. I want to see heads roll. We need players who aren’t just utter dog shit.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Galaxy fans celebrate while the front office reaches out to Claudio Reyna for talks.

Record Breaking Football Manager Save Tainted By Accusations Of Save Scumming

INTERNET - Jason Williams’ record breaking Football Manager save was, reportedly, tainted by accusations of save scumming by online Football Manager forum moderator, beta tester, and all-around Football Manager expert “AnalJesus4U”.

In a forum post titled, “The TRUTH,” AnalJesus4U laid out the circumstances surrounding the almost impossible situation that Williams claimed was performed without any kind of modifications stating, “There is no way this was accomplished without the help of save scumming and playing on the Sunday League Manager setting.”

Save Scumming is a term that indicates the situation of reloading the last saved game whenever the player character dies or an unfavorable outcome has been encountered.

Sources say that AnalJesus4U spent a significant portion of last weekend between 2 to 4 am debunking the save status of Williams as he detailed his findings online.

“We can see CONCLUSIVELY that the odds given to accomplishing a perfect season with no goal given up in the Premier League with the team that he had is virtually zero,” stated AnalJesus4U. “As such, the only conclusion is that of Save Scumming.”

For his part, Williams rebuffed the accusations as he accused AnalJesus4U of being, “so shit,” and stated, “Get good, bro.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Williams adds the statistics from his last 5 seasons of Football manager to his resume in his attempt to get a coaching position with Arizona State.

TFC Megaphone Releases Statement Claiming, "I Was Just Doing My Job"

TORONTO - The megaphone thrown at Mark-Anthony Kaye released a statement, today, claiming, “I was just doing my job,” as it attempted to fend off a stadium ban for entering the field of play.

Sources for the megaphone claimed that the device was profoundly sorry for being yeeted at the TFC player in a childish tantrum that will inevitably result in a ban for the supporter involved.

“I’ve never seen them so down,” stated friend and bullhorn Pyle. “It wasn’t their fault that they were thrown at the player. They were just doing their job.”

The megaphone was reportedly horrified to find itself flying end over end as it tried to apologize to Kaye only to find out that it had no voice.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as North American soccer fans continue to mimic what people in Serbia post to Ultras-Tifo.

Frank Klopas Takes Over Chicago Fire For The... Oh... Honestly... Who Gives A Shit Anymore

CHICAGO - Sources say that writers started multiple blog entries with the intent to detail Frank Klopas taking over the team again for the third time only to be stopped because they just realized they didn’t care about writing the same article again.

“Honestly, who gives a shit anymore,” stated one blogger who still covers the team. “It’s like I’m perpetually in the twilight zone where every choice is made over and over and over again and nothing ever changes.”

Sources indicate that the situation with the Fire would anger the last remaining supporters if they hadn’t spent the last game mainlining Malort and checking on the status of their Football Manager save.

“The only way this is funny is if they, now, hire Frank Yallop before letting him go and having Brian Bliss take over again,” stated one anonymous fan. “Then we can start the cycle all over again.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Klopas takes over the team in 2025 for the fourth time.