The Nutmeg News prints opinion pieces from local contributors, at select times. Today's opinion piece comes from a Mr. Anderson of Boston, MA. The viewpoints and opinions of Mr. Anderson do not necessarily reflect the viewpoints and opinions of The Nutmeg News.

"Dear Editors,

The Fact that I'm still alive in 2016 tells me that my soccer blogging isn't good enough. With all the recent deaths of celebrities, luminaries and influential people, it has come to my attention that I'm still alive. And if I'm still alive that means that my writing hasn't been up to snuff, because the good lord hasn't taken me yet for my Ayn Rand inspired writings on the application of TAM and GAM in MLS.

For this lack of quality, I apologize to my legion of adoring fans.

When I started writing about the New England Revolution over 3 years ago, I started with the best of intentions. That is, to publicly ridicule Robert Kraft until he builds us a new stadium somewhere actually close to Boston; and, also, to write long form pieces about the Diego Fagundez faux-hawk.

In the end, though, I've let my quality go down.

Rest assured that I will fix this. I've been researching ways to increase my wordplay and influences. I'm studying the dialectical influences of Athens, the pop culture of Thebes and the dulcet tones of Nelly on his seminal record Country Grammar. I'm planning on really submitting more fanpost items on The Bent Musket that include 1500 word rants on why it's important to have a team store at Gillette Stadium set to lyrics and rhythms from 'Batter Up.'

Long story short, I'm hoping that the next round of the rapture in 2017 will contain my mortal coil which will prove how amazing a blogger that I truly am as everyone will finally celebrate my genius with long winded statements about how amazing I was at writing about local soccer and my charity efforts at donating my spare penny to the local take a penny/leave a penny when I eat at Rosie's Place on Harrison.

Thank you kindly,

Elmore Anderson

Boston, MA