Philadelphia, PA - Philadelphia Union fan Mary Lauderdale called in sick to work after reporting all the symptoms of BacardiVirus this morning.

Clearly I’m unwell. I’m giving laudanum to a teddy bear.

Lauderdale indicated that she has an extreme headache, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, light sensitivity, and irritability; and that she didn’t want to spread the disease while being contagious.

“It must have been incubating for some time,” stated Lauderdale to The Nutmeg News in a phone interview. “I went to a Union watch party last night and after a few beverages and some shots I started to feel a bit distressed. When I woke up this morning with a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my face it was clear that I would be in no shape to come into work. I feel that I did the responsible thing.

Friends say that Lauderdale shut herself up in her apartment, closed all the blinds, ordered breakfast from Caviar and started re-watching episodes of 30 Rock from under a massive fuzzy blanket on her couch.

“It’s important that we all take the time to ensure that we are not spreading disease,” stated Lauderdale as she pounded a lemon-lime Gatorade. “Anyway, did you see that game last night? It was incredible. I seriously can’t do shots after a goal again. What was I thinking?”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Lauderdale’s friend Jeff Anderson calls in sick to his job with CuervoVirus.