NEW YORK - The ownership committee that interfaces with the league front office of Major League Soccer (MLS) has reportedly been embroiled in a debate about intentionally infecting players with a COVID-19 party (brought to you by BodyArmour) after seeing the recent increasing number of cases in Florida.

We could just try smothering everyone in strawberry hand sanitizer!

“The only way to protect our chil….er…. um….. players is to gather them all together and get them infected as soon as possible,” stated the owner of one Eastern conference team. “We must defeat this by exposing everyone all at once.”

With doctors, epidemiologists, and experts recommending against doing this in any capacity one Western Conference team owner operator stated, “What do they know? Do they have a billion dollars? Then I think they should shut up. I know what’s best for my staff.”

Insiders indicate that the league would plan on having small groups of players lured to a conference room with the promise of group eggs and a half-price breakfast burrito bar before locking them inside with an infected member of the general population for an hour.

“We NEED to make certain that we grab the spotlight while we can,” stated one owner. “Admittedly the soccer MAY suffer if everyone is coughing, feverish and short of breath; but we would be the only league other than the NWSL to be playing right now. We need to be grabbing that ESPN + and local cable affiliate viewership numbers when everyone isn’t watching Korean Baseball.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as paranoid players fight the urge for the “Free granola bar buffet” signs.