Vancouver, BC - Retailers state that paper bag sales spiked in the broader Vancouver area as Whitecaps fans prepare for upcoming games.
GERRY KAHRMANN / PNG - Article Here
“The only way to truly convey my utter and unending despair with this situation is a paper bag,” stated one anonymous supporter. “It’s time. We’ve hit Cleveland Browns territory.”
Fans of the Whitecaps have slowly been losing any kind of confidence in the ownership of the team as they teeter towards irrelevance in the local market after a gangbuster and tumultuous first few seasons.
“If I wanted to watch an endlessly frustrating team that shit the bed all the time I would’ve kept my Canucks tickets,” stated James Demarr of Burnaby. “I’m just going to take up mountain biking instead.”
One area fan stated that it was, “About time. WELCOME TO MY HELL BOYS. I’VE BEEN BAGGING IT UP SINCE 2019!”
The Whitecaps front office responded by stating, “we love our fans and they will love our new season as we strive towards winning the MLSCUPISBACK tournament with some of the same players that lost to Calgary in the Canadian Championship.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as fans continue their virtual and social distancing protest of not giving a shit.