Portland, OR - The Portland Thorns and Timbers front office announced, today, that they would hire someone to take accountability for any future scandals as the team announced a new “Fall Person” post.
Not him, though.
“Our new Fall Person will be a non-gender-specific community focused person who will be held accountable for any future missteps by our organization,” stated the press release. “We hear and respect our fans and we promise that for any future scandals, other than the ones we just went through, SOMEONE not affiliated with the ownership group, executives or current management of the team will be held accountable.”
According to insiders, the Fall Person will be subject to being immediately removed from their position with great public fanfare should any scandals make it to the press which requires the team to need to appear to take responsibility.
“Basically this is always going to be a temporary position,” stated one front office insider. “The person that they hire will ultimately be to blame if the ownership of the team hires another sexual predator or employs someone involved in domestic violence, again.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this the front office offer the person in this position 33,500 per year, provided that they make themselves always available for any additional tasks required of them on all weekends and weeknights.