NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS), today, announced a new, “No Biting,” rule for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

“We felt that we hadn’t addressed this explicitly enough,” stated one league insider. “So we thought that we would ensure people know that there is absolutely no biting between players on the field.”

When asked if this was regarding a specific a player acquisition, Major League Soccer issued a terse non-denial denial.

“We cannot say that this is in response to any player current, past or future,” stated one league representative. “However, we can say that it is important… NOW… for us to define that in fact you can not attempt to eat any player on the field, bite them, nibble them or even gently caress them with your teeth.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as fans ready themselves for the return of Nigel de Jong.