Houston, TX - Staring eye-to-eye with a cagey cephalopod, degenerate World Cup gambler Riley Owens reportedly yelled, “this octopus won’t tell me SHIT,” before leaving the Houston Downtown Aquarium without his World Cup picks finalized.
According to Owens, “Everyone knows that octopuses are who you go to for the World Cup,” as he explained that he just needed to, “get even on the month,” as he attempts to use the World Cup games to pad out his financial bankroll.
“You can clean up on the World Cup,” stated Riley to our reporter. “You just have to get the right octopus and get them to talk.”
Sources indicate that Owens started by showing carefully created cards with team names on them to the Octopus before frustration took over and he started yelling, “Sam Kerr 13/1 gold boot, RIGHT? TALK YOU PRICK! SHARE YOUR SECRETS!”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Owens is escorted from a local Benihana.