VANCOUVER - Vancouver Whitecaps ownership promised a return the the quality of previous seasons after firing head coach Vanni Sartini on Monday.

“Vanni was great for us,” stated one employee put out in the line of fire by the ownership of the Whitecaps. “However, we feel that our results should be in line with our roster. Vanni gave the fans too much hope, and we need them to understand the depth and quality that we have out there cannot be relied upon.”

Sources say that the Whitecaps ownership was concerned when fans started believing they might advance in the playoffs and that the team might get investments in 2025.

“We cannot have fans thinking that 2025 will be better,” stated the Whitecaps FO. “This is not a charity, this is a business. We cannot just continue spending money to make things better, we must control our costs and our expectations. This end of Sartini signals an end of this squad, and now we are allowed to find some journeyman players from within MLS and a player from a league you’ve never heard of from a lower division league that will only get going once he has 12 games under his belt and will then become a cult fan favorite.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Whitecaps plan on decreasing costs in 2025 and 2026 and 2027 and 2028 and 2029 and 2030.