The friendly neighborhood millionaire/billionaire that owns your local soccer team stated that he hopes you spend your upcoming $600 stimulus check on his soccer team as it’s been a, “HECK of a time on my portfolio during this global event.”
“It’s been very rough for all of us that own franchises, sports teams, Tesla stock, second homes in the Virgin Islands, and multi-story condominium land developments,” stated your local millionaire. “I hope that you understand that I could really use that $600 in season ticket payments or kit sales to offset what a terrible year 2020 was for my overall portfolio.”
Despite the $600 barely even making a dent in utilities, back-due rent, bank fees, and interest rate payments on the credit cards you’ve used to survive the past 11 months while the rich in the United States continue to make money, your friendly neighborhood millionaire wants you to know that it’s been trying for him..
“I haven’t take a trip to the French Alps, this year,” stated the owner of the team that you go sing for every weekend. “And our overall sales have been way down. I re-invested some stocks in what I like to call pandemic planning to ensure that I don’t have financial problems in the future so I suggest that everyone call their broker and ensure that you really diversify your funds across a large segment of the industry.”
The Nutmeg News spoke to soccer fan Sandra Ruiz who stated that some of the $600 will go to a payday loan shop to cover the fees they need to cash the check as she is overdrawn at the bank and needs the money for groceries instead of paying it all to settle the ever increasing fees with Wells Fargo.
“I hope that my team owner understands that I can’t afford to buy anything with this $600 because we need to eat,” stated Ruiz.
For their part, your friendly local millionaire was incensed that everyone can’t live off $600 as he stated that, “better financial planning would allow you to buy an authentic kit, a stocking stuffer from the front office and a down payment on a split level townhouse.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as soccer teams plan stimulus sales.