MLS Deadline Day 2016: New England Revolution Sign A Cruller

Foxborough, MA - The New England Revolution announced today that they signed a delicious cruller that the team has had their eye on for some time now.

WELCOME! Can you play defense?

"We with the Revolution wish to welcome this cruller to the organization and hope that it can last longer than an hour in the breakroom," announced general manager Michael Burns.

"We hope that we can slot this cruller into a position between the maple bar and the old fashioned that currently sits right over.... um...... actually... nevermind," stated Burns as he brushed flecks of glaze off his mouth.

Reportedly, the Revolution signed the cruller to a designated player contract provided that it can pass a physical as their press release stated, "For over 10 years the cruller has delighted and entertained in Europe. We believe that the cruller can bring the same level of intensity to our team."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this development as the Revolution look to sign a raspberry danish, as well.

Continent Breathes Sigh Of Relief As Exiled De Jong Serves Out Rest Of MLS Sentence In Turkey

The entirety of North America and the affiliated nations of CONCACAF breathed a huge sigh of relief as news came that LA Galaxy player and all around delight Nigel De Jong was to have his sentence commuted to serve out the rest of his time in Major League Soccer playing in Turkey.

FAIR PLAY!

"Nigel and the League agreed that we would commute his MLS sentence to 2 years of hard labor at a team in Turkey," stated president of Major League Soccer Mark Abbot. "All parties thought it would be best for their respective interests. Nigel gets to live closer to his family and the rest of the players in our league no longer suffer the threat of having their careers shortened by a player who doesn't have the best judgement calls."

Reportedly, De Jong is miffed to leave the sandy beaches of Los Angeles, but would rather play in Turkey than to spend another minute trying to navigate the traffic down to the StubHub Center stating, "Traffic here sucks" before he attempted to slide tackle our reporter from behind as he left the interview.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as players in Turkey prepare themselves for the arrival of De Jong.

USL Secondary (Third Level, Master Mage) Disciplinary Committee Overturns The Overturned Video Reviewed Referee Called Red Card

The United Soccer League stated, on Wednesday, that their secret third level disciplinary committee comprised of ex-mascots and executives from Miami FC reviewed the reviewed and overturned video reviewed referee called red card from FC Cincinnati's game against New York Red Bull II. 

Photo: Sam Greene

"CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY THERE ARE SHRINERS DRIVING ON THE FIELD FOR THIS REPLAY?!"

"Red Bull II requested a review of the review of the review, so in accordance with our by laws we had our secondary but also third level master mage docents review the review of the review and we found that in fact that there was perhaps maybe a red card but not a sending off," stated the league's press release.

While the play was called, then reviewed, then reviewed again and then reviewed again, the USL stated that this didn't prevent them from looking at it again in another few days stating, "We may have our fourth level, (Secret Paladin and Ogre Brute), referee and comittee review the review of the review of the review to come to a conclusion that Mitch HIldebrandt is actually a 23rd level master mason. We don't know. Shit happens."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we finish our initiation.

Seattle T.I.F.O Insipiration Gives Hoffenheim Wings

Hoffenheim, DE - Turn- und Sportgemeinschaft 1899 Hoffenheim e.V., or simply TSG 1899 Hoffenheim (an introduction we shameless copy/pasted from wikipedia) today admitted that their new TL:DR T.I.F.O was inspired by the recent Seattle Rick Roll T.I.F.O displayed by the Emerald City Supporters.

TL:DR

The Nutmeg News spoke to Hoffenheim ultra Reinholt Masner about the inspiration for the T.I.F.O and he didn't mince words, "Natürlich Seattle war die inspiration . Es ist nur natürlich gegenüber jenen Menschen im Norden zu drehen und den Westen , um unsere reinen Wünsche in die Methodik unserer Banner und unsere Anzeige zu unterjochen . Wir entschieden uns für die beste Methode der sehr lange gelehrte Aussagen über unseren Wunsch, wieder zu schreiben gehasst zu werden , und so hat beim Hören von "The Cure " , raubkopien von Morrissey leben , und Stone Temple Pilots , um zu fühlen, als ob wir ihre kanalisieren könnte T.I.F.O

Es war nur eine Frage der Zeit, bis unsere Basis Wünsche auf das Banner kam heraus und wir ihr Design in unserer Design gutzuschreiben. Unsere Designer hat als all die Formulierung auf allen Bannern eine lange Erklärung geschrieben für alle zu lesen, so dass unsere Feinde 1200 Worte lesen können , nachdem wir sie besiegen , um uns besser kennen zu lernen."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we figure out what the hell Masner actually said.

All Points Bulletin Put Out For Rayo OKC Turf

Yukon, OK - An All Points Bulletin (APB) was put out for pieces of turf that disappeared recently from the Rayo Oklahoma City facility in Yukon, Oklahoma last evening. A Clorophyll alert was sent out to all phones within a 2 mile radius of the Yukon High School and all "vaguely ethnic" people were rounded up as the usual suspects were called for questioning.

SOMEONE CALL GREENZO!

The turf was last seen, "on the ground," according to insiders with Rayo OKC and had been described as being recently depressed during the last home game. Reportedly, the turf was feeling some frustrations after a lack of growth and was considering moving to a new state to start a new life.

Rayo OKC were positive that the turf couldn't have gone far stating, "It doesn't have a drivers license so we are positive that it must have had help. As of now, we are grass-ping for straws."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this after we get over this horrible column.

Chicago Fire Begin Process Of Acquiring TAM For Rights To Bastian Schweinsteiger

Chicago, IL - Fire general manager Nelson Rodriguez announced, today, that owner Andrew Hauptman gave him permission to approach Major League Soccer about aquiring more Targeted Allocation Money for the future rights they plan to give up for current Manchester United player Bastian Schweinsteiger.

Uh, sure.

"It was in our best interest to figure out how to leverage the rights to a player we don't have that we aren't interested in acquiring for assets we plan on not spending," stated Rodriguez to The Nutmeg News. "As the worst team in Major League Soccer, we are empowered to act as an intermediary to the exchange of the rights of a player entering the league for theoretical financial assets we plan on either not using later or utilizing for a player that likely will not fully pan out for our team."

Rodriguez stated that while Schweinsteiger was a target of the club, it had more to do with the value of the player than the actual player himself.

"The Chicago Fire don't need Schweinsteiger. Rather Schweinsteiger needs The Chicago Fire to hold his assets hostage until a team that actually wants him pays the requisite ransom."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as something similar to this situation happens.

Giovinco Injury And Piatti Goal Reminds Toronto Fan Of The Ultimate Futility Of Life

Toronto, ON - After an exhilerating day of pre-game beverages, hanging out with friends, singing loudly, watching a beautifully executed T.I.F.O unfold, and seeing her team go up a player in a big rivalry game, Toronto FC fan Samantha Quince was reminded of the ultimate futility of life by an injured Giovinco and a streaking Ignacio Piatti as he struck home the only goal of the 1-0 victory over her beloved Toronto FC on a desperate counter attack.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Fred Thornhill/CP)

"I..... I just cant..... ugh...." stated Ms. Quince to The Nutmeg News after the game was over. "And over there, um..... look, uh.... wow. I mean, it was fun, still. Maybe. I think, yeah......... But wow."

The Nutmeg News decided to reconnect with Ms. Quince after she gathered her thoughts and spoke to her on Monday morning. 

"I still can't believe it, and it was one of those games where we just couldn't convert. It was one of those games where every second the clock ticked along reminded us all of the potential death knell coming our way and then to watch it happen, nearly in slow motion. My god, I'm still not recovered," stated quince as she pensively stared into the depths of her coffee this morning and rapidly moved Giovinco off her fantasy team.

Reportedly, Ms. Quince has found her even keel nature slowly devolve into apathetic disinterest for a morning routine full of the sublimely bland.

"Color has no meaning, there is no structure to life, everything is pale in the shadow of the loss of Giovinco and that stupid game," stated Quince. "I dressed in black today, not because of any reason, but rather to match the mood that I feel deep within my soul. Gio, you must return!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the attitude of Ms. Quince recovers after discovering that TFC play the Chicago Fire next.

Man Still Cares Which Players Jurgen Klinsmann Picks

Dayton, OH - Part time Columbus Crew fan and full time US Men's National Team fan Wes Dantuluri admitted that he still irrationally cared about which players Jurgen Klinsmann picks for the US Roster depsite his previous claims that he was, "just done".

"NO LANDON DONOVAN?!" - he screamed for the 200th time into the void of cyberspace.

"Ok, I lied, so shoot me," stated Dantuluri to The Nutmeg News on Monday. "I said I was done, but then I saw Wondolowski made it on the roster again and I was hooked back in."

Dantuluri claimed that his addiction to so-called patriotic tirades against Der Kaiser was not just fueled by his dead end job as a manager at Food 4 Less on 3rd street and his access to an unlimited data plan that allows him to tweet with reckless abandon.

"WHY. WHY. WHY GOD WHY?" bellowed Dantuluri into the frozen food section as he quickly remembered that his USA Pulisic kit was still on order pending the receipt of his next paycheck.

Despite his seething anger, Dantuluri again proclaimed that he was done and stormed off only to be found by our reporter checking his twitter account 5 minutes later and retweeting criticism of the lineup picks to his anonymous account.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Dantuluri admits he will never be done criticizing any coach of the United States despite not being able to remember the name of the guy who does that stuff for the Crew.

Horrible Website Full Of Talentless Hacks Continues To Lampoon Soccer

Horrible website, The Nutmeg News (which is absolutely chock full of talentless hacks) continues to make fun of soccer despite their inability to actually write anything that contributes to the human experience in a relevant way.

"Hey guys, here's another soccer article about dungeons and dragons. YOU WILL LOVE IT"

Run by illiterate nerds who haven't completed more than 4 juggles of a soccer ball in their life, The Nutmeg News continues to publish absolute bullshit despite the market response of a collective sigh.

"We are RARING to go, with TENS of clicks," stated The Nutmeg News Junior Editor, Senior Editor. "Just wait til we get to the playoffs. We are going to write a 10,000 word article on Warhammer 40k, playoff rankings and luchadors. It's gonna be LIT! (people are still using that, right?)"

Reportedly, despite a sharp uptick in TNN employees removing the company experience from their Linked In profile, The Nutmeg News has still been able to attract multiple interns from the outflow processing center of Juvenile Detention Centers around North America.

"We are very, VERY big in the Illinois Department of Juvenile Justice," stated Geoffrey Brandice, who once failed to remember that Mexico is part of North America. "We are going to really pick up some clicks when the inmates at max-sec finally understand we are speaking their language. We have nowhere else to go. This is the hellscape of unemployed layabouts with nothing better to do!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on ourselves as we continue to pat ourselves on the back.

Liga MX Fan Served Dose Of Knowledge By College Freshman Who Just Got Into Soccer

Austin, TX - Despite watching Liga MX, and his family team Cruz Azul, for nearly 20 years, Raul Hernandez was reportedly served a big dose of knowledge by University of Texas freshman Brad Hightower on Sunday.

"I dropped a knowledge bomb. You can trademark that. And that guy? he should know, because I found out about it on Wikipedia yesterday."

"I told that bro whats up with his league and with his team," stated Hightower to The Nutmeg News on Monday. "I got all real on him about the structure of Cruz Azul and how they are lining up, their history in the league, pretty much everything I learned on Wikipedia in the past week."

Hightower noticed that a detail about Cruz Azul was wrong in a facebook post that Hernandez re-posted from elsewhere, so he took time out of his busy schedule playing FIFA in his dorm room to lambaste the long time fan about the intracacies of his team.

"I didn't want to do it, but I had to. He had to know he was wrong. I took that tiny nugget of information that I got from the internet and I put it in the olive oil press of my mind trap and squeezed it until I hit pure nutrient gold. Raul is going to thank me one day," stated Hightower.

The Nutmeg News will have less on this as Hernandez rolls his eyes, moves on with his life, and sits down to watch Cruz Azul v Atlas on Saturday.

Desperate For American Grassroots Authenticity, Man Removes Every Form Of European Imitation From His Gameday Repetoir

WASHINGTON - Desperate for American grassroots authenticity, D.C. United fan Samuel Billings has removed every form of European or South American influence from his gameday repetoir stating, "I have ascended to a purely American form of soccer support"

"This is the only football that matters, anything else is a European affectation."

Billings stated that he stopped singing during games, as that is a European and South American affectation. As well, he stopped bringing instruments, stopped painting tifo and no longer pays any dues to any supporters group.

"First I had to remove the words kit, pitch, football (as it pertains to soccer), wanker, bloody, vamos, somos, lads, tifo, and shit (without utilizing 'a' or 'the' in front of the profanity) from my vocabulary," stated Billings to The Nutmeg News. "Then I forced myself to sit in absolute silence during games as I scoweled at the field and did nothing but drink horribly overpriced beer. After that I transitioned to not attending any soccer game willingly as attending a soccer game is a affectation and appropriation of an English game foreign to this soil. I decry everyone's attempt at painting what should be called banners, and do not wear Adidas, or any clothes that are not made in the United States by a United States company with ideas only generated by fans who are born and raised in the United States."

Billings admitted that doing all of these things means that he no longer attends D.C. United games, nor does he watch soccer games, nor does he follow any soccer team at all stating, "the only team I follow is the Washington Redskins because there is no American appropriation of European values in following the National Football League. Instead what we have, by following real football with other red-blooded Americans, is an American appropriation of indigenous native names and identity to the point of racist imagry like Chief Wahoo, which is completely fine and unremarkable at all for an American not copying European or South American culture to do."

While Billings admitted that he missed going to D.C. United games and seeing his friends, he said that his ability to shun all things that would make him an affectatious soccer fan is important to his ability to claim American grassroots authenticity.

"I refuse to steal from other cultures," stated Billings to our reporter. "America isn't a melting pot of cultures, It's about not allowing other cultures to influence the cultures we already stole from that we now claim as our own... or something. I'll figure it out, but I do know that I have 120 years of history telling me that hating soccer is the only true American attitude towards soccer that should exist and that real Americans watch their sport (football or baseball) in painful, stonefaced silence while getting absolutely shithoused drunk on terrible beer."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr. Billings tries to figure out if the jingoistic aspect of rooting for the United States National Team allows him to violate his rule of not rooting for any soccer club.

Hope Solo Suspended From Massive Friendly Against Thailand

The United States Soccer Federation announced today that Hope Solo would be suspended for the vitally impactful and unbearably massive friendly against Thailand on September 13th, 2016. 

"We know that Hope has an extremely busy schedule over the next six months of sitting around recouperating and playing some games for the Reign, but we informed her that she would not be able to play in the only two friendlies we have scheduled for the next six months and whatever games we were going to drum up for cash," stated Jill Ellis, head coach of the United States.

"It's a tough time for her to be certain, because she was desperately looking forward to playing in front of a 1/2 filled stadium in Ohio as the United States absolutely thrash Thailand."

Calls to Solo to confirm were not returned, but those that know the athelete say that she is taking the suspension hard as one anonymous friend stated, "She defintely seemed like she might be mad, but after she found out that she won't be missing any meaningful games, she realized that this just gives her a good amount of time to sit back, play a game for the Reign and relax."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Solo suffers the extreme punishment of missing these utterly meaningless, international friendlies.

USL Notifies Robbie Rogers That He Faces Six Game Suspension For Snitching

League sources from the United Soccer League (USL) told The Nutmeg News that officials from the USL have notified Robbie Rogers that he is facing a suspension for lodging a complaint about the abusive and hateful language that was repeatedly used against him by Orange County Blues FC midfielder Richard Chaplow.

You folks at the USL are really bad at this.

"The fact that he complained about this situation made us have to actually convene a council and figure out a disciplinary measure. The whole thing is really annoying," stated chairman Rob Hoskins. "It's not like we can do anything about what our players do, so we would rather that Robbie just put his head down and ignore everything that was happening so our lives could continue uncomplicated."

While Rogers is only on loan to the USL to recover from a recent injury, the league none the less notified Rogers that he was potentially looking at a 6 game suspension under the "no snitches" act. The USL, as well, notified Chaplow that he would be suspended two games as league representatives stated, "It's only a personal attack with hateful language. At least he wasn't abusing a referee. That would be unconscionable. Abusing someone cause they are gay? What are we to do? The USL roundly states that verbally abusing someone due to their sexuality is not NEARLY as bad as telling a referee he is shit."

"We love all our players equally," stated Hoskins. "You know what they say.... hate the sin but love the sinner, so it makes sense that we must punish the sin."

The Nutmeg News cannot confirm which player Hoskins was talking about as his media handlers shut down our interview immediately after this.

Carli Lloyd Delays Return To Off-Season Training With, "That Stupid League Thing"

United States international Carli Lloyd stated that she plans to delay her return to off-season training with, "that stupid league thing," after closing out her 2016 soccer season at the end of the Olympics.

Carli Lloyd celebrating at the end of the 2015 soccer season.

Lloyd announced that she will not be back with the Houston Dash immediately following the 2016 Olympics as she doesn't feel the need to start her program of getting back in shape for the upcoming professional season of Women's World Cup Qualifying League.

"The WWCQL is the most important thing for me, but I don't want to go straight back into offseason training mode right after the Olympics," stated Lloyd to The Nutmeg News. "It's important to take a break from the training and rigors of the pre-season with the whole Womens Athletic League or whatever that stuff is called."

Lloyd additionally stated that she was frustrated with the demands put on her for her pre-season training with her NWSL team in Houston. 

"The Crash have just been all over me to get back on time, but I told them that my real season hasn't begun yet, so I'm just planning on taking some me time before I get back. I only need to start playing when the US Women get back into qualifying for the Algarve Cup or the Women's World Cup. That's when the season begins. Otherwise this whole thing is just pointless running around on a hot field for a bunch of saps stupid enough to actually pay money watch us play."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when our twitter account gets blocked.

6400 Word Dissertation To Accompany Next Sounders T.I.F.O

Seattle,  WA - After the success of the protest Rickroll T.I.F.O at the weekend, members of the Emerald City Supporters (ECS) confirmed to The Nutmeg News that their next display would be accompanied by a 6400 word dissertation explaining the ideal, motive, feeling you should have and impact that the piece should convey to the viewer.

"You see, children, what the artist intended was for us to be challenged by the perspective at it pertains to our addiction to technology. Through this T.I.F.O we must understand the franco-prussian war as experienced through pacificst anti-war advocates like Elihu Burritt. So, no, Jimmy... It is NOT just a cock and balls."

The Nutmeg News spoke under the condition of anonymity to ECS T.I.F.O designer "Rick Steves" about the upcoming future display for the Emerald City Supporters and he was able to inform our reporter about some interesting upcoming features.

"Well, the first thing to note, without giving away too much, is that we found a sympathetic professor in the classics department at the University of Washington who translated Sanskrit for us," stated Mr. Steves to our reporter. "It's something that has been in the works for a seriously significant period of time. Like a long fucking time, dude."

Reportedly, the T.I.F.O display will have both electronic tour guides available as well as educated docents to explain the overall impact of the piece at the time when it was conceived as well as the impact it is having in real time as social media will add to the overall conceptual aspect.

"If quoting Rick Astly didn't serve to inform Major League Soccer that we don't like them, just wait until they read the next T.I.F.O," explained Mr. Steves. "We care deeply about literacy, our team, our hatred of Major League Soccer, the experience of dead languages throughout the ages as they pertain to serfdom, the evolution of the human experience and the rights of man; and feel this will address local soccer issues on a biblical scale. hint. hint. Look, I've probably said too much but this will all be explained in the dissertation that accompanies this piece."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the ECS unveil their new masterpiece slated for a display at the Duomo di Milano in 2017.

Despite Declarative Statement On Twitter, Team Not Certain They Really Want Three Points On The Road

Oklahoma City, OK - Despite a declarative statement on twitter, the Oklahoma City Energy were reportedly not entirely certain that they really wanted three points on the road in Colorado Springs when they play Switchbacks FC on Wednesday.

"You know... I mean... It's the twitter account social media intern, so maybe if they want to go out there and play centerback at altitude......."

Players for the Energy were reportedly a bit preturbed with the big talk of the Twitter account that seemed to be making a collective statement for the team that the Energy players hadn't officially decided upon.

"Sure the twitter account wants three points, but what about us?" stated a defensive player who wished to remain anonymous. "It's a lot of big talk, but I'm the one who has to chase these players up and down the field for 85 minutes, so maybe I want one point. Or maybe I just want to go home and watch House of Cards. Did the Twitter account ever think of that?"

The Nutmeg News spoke to a anonymous short midfielder who stated, "Does the twitter account know what it is like to try for 3 points at altitude? If the social media person wants to go out there and get 3 points, let them have it. I'm going to work on finding a good pizza place for the afters. I hear that Borriello Brothers is very good."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the social media account backs down from their earlier proclimation to a more general, "Energy FC ambivalent about playing Colorado Springs" statement.

Timbers Fan Completes Third Metamorphosis And Emerges From Cocoon

Portland, OR - Timbers fan Jimmy Davis emerged from a cocoon made of shredded front office scarves and memorabilia to announce his third metamorphosis was complete into a fan concerned by style and dress. As Davis stepped out of the sticky womb like structure wearing a Fred Perry polo and new pair of Adidas Sambas he announced that he was ready for the game against Seattle on Sunday.

I wasn't ultra before, but now I'm VERY ultra.

Davis began his existence as an unconcerned and unloving soccer fan who went to a Timbers game because his friend Bradley Warner had a free ticket.

"Yeah, that was before my First Metamorphosis," stated Mr Davis to The Nutmeg News. "During my first larval stage I wore front office scarves and a Timbers shirt I bought at the grocery store. Then after my First metamorphosis I transitioned into a man who had his face painted, brought a funny hat to games, and drank too much cheap beer"

According to Davis, he then began to feel a transition beyond his face painting stage as he completed a Second Metamorphosis. 

"I really spun up a dense web of change as I moved into wearing more supporter gear and scarves," stated Davis whistfully. "I really threw myself into the world of the Timbers Army and wore their gear everywhere, even to work. After a few years I could feel the pull of nature prevailing upon my own instincts as I started to collect all my former items of fandom and spun a new cocoon where i transitioned into my Third Metamorphosis as a casual."

Davis now only wears terrace clothing made popular by fans in England as his closet filled up with Fred Perry, Sergio Tachini, and Adidas.

"I've dropped the face painting, I leave the scarves at home and now I just go nattily dressed," stated Davis. "It's a new epoch in my evolution, and I'm excited about my upcoming fourth evolution where I spawn and remain at home to watch games from my couch."

The Nutmeg News will have more on Mr Davis as he sells off his former clothes to desperate fans only emerging from their second metamorphosis.

Woman Willing To Give It 10 More Games Til She Decides If Team Is Good

WASHINGTON - DC United fan Paula Newberry has admitted that after 24 games played she still can't tell if her beloved United are crap or good.

"Honestly, I just don't have a clue anymore."

"I'm gonna give it 10 more games," stated Ms. Newberry in an interview with The Nutmeg News. "10 more games til I decide if this team is crap, or the best thing ever. Once we hit the final game of the season I really hope to actually have a better idea of what in the ever loving fuck is going on."

With United barely hanging on to a playoff place, currently, Ms. Newberry has admitted to having a pantheon of opinions at her fingertips for how the season has gone.

"Some of my friends are saying the team is poorly and cheaply constructed. They say that OIsen doesn't know what he is doing and that we are just wandering our way through the season. Others say that we haven't seen everything this team can do, yet. That we are currently four games unbeaten, that there's still 10 games left and who knows what happens when you make it into the playoffs."

While the difference in opinion has polarized her friends, Ms. Newberry stated that she still doesn't have an opinion on the team and hopes to develop one by the final game of the year against Orlando.

"If I don't have one by then, hopefully I'll have an opinion on this years team by the team that the 2017 season begins."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ms. Newberry takes to twitter to tell everyone that there's still plenty of time left in the season.

Woman Only Two Articles Away From Hating The Sport She Covers

LOS ANGELES - NWSL and MLS writer Hannah Brooke admitted that she is only two articles away from hating the sport that she covers religiously for free in her spare time.

Oh, another article on Hope Solo? How original. I hope The Nutmeg News burns in hell.

"I started to feel the twinge while I was writing an article on international players returning from the olympics to the NWSL and I realized that the twinge was a desperate amount of passionate dislike for all the machinations and mechanisms that I've covered over the past 5 years that are slowly building up into a constant state of frustration, hate, and dislike," stated Brooke to The Nutmeg News on Friday. 

"I was able to shake off that feeling and finish the article without a huge amount of cynicsm, but I feel that it is only a matter of time before covering the thing that I love in-depth will turn me against that thing for the foreseable future."

Brooke stated that she started to feel this at the beginning of the 2016 NWSL season when she was already tired of writing about the league player machinations, pay concerns, league viability, attendance, marketing, and individual player concerns before the season even began.

"It's been a slow process but writing about that thing that I love has made the love start to wane, so I'm not entirely certain what I'm going to do if writing about the thing that I love makes me hate the thing that I love so that I eventually hate my writing about that thing that I used to love. It's only a matter of time, and the story that kills my love of writing about the game and the game itself will probably be an international player telling the NWSL to wait while she recovers on a beach somewhere."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Brooke tries to unwind by just watching a soccer game for fun instead of trying to find a story in it about which to write.

RBNY Fan's Hatred Of DC United Stems Entirely From Construction Of Woodrow Wilson Bridge

NEW YORK - Red Bull New York fan Deryk Wilson admitted that his seething hatred of D.C. United stems entirely from the traffic and delays that messed up his commute during the construction of the Woodrow Wilson bridge.

DAMN YOU, BRIDGE! AND DAMN YOU, Nick DeLEON!

"I'll always blame the district for that, and by associated guilt that means that D.C. United are to blame," stated Wilson to The Nutmeg News. "Do you KNOW how much time I wasted in my commute due to construction? Every time I see Luciano Acosta running free as a bird it reminds me of the time I was trapped in my car for over an hour just sitting still and it makes me want to puch things."

Reportedly, Wilson calculated that he spent at least a year sitting in traffic from the resulting commuting snafu and has yet to forgive anyone involved in the construction of the bridge including the state of Maryland and the District of Columbia

"They (Maryland) don't have a club yet but if they did, I'd hate them with the power of a million suns," ranted Wilson to our reporter. "As it is, I'll have to accept my blinding and unending hatred of Ben Olsen, Bill Hamid and Steve Birnbaum as a proxy for my true disgust over commute times during the bridge and freeway construction project."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Wilson rails against other Public Works projects that have poisoned him against soccer fanbases including The Big Dig in Boston.